5 Things I Have Learned So Far On This Journey

It has been about two months since I first heard those words, “You have Parkinson’s Disease.” Four small words that turned our family’s world upside down. Since that proclamation, it has felt like drinking from a fire hydrant. Medications to research, side effects to manage, elder care planning meetings, education about the disease, support groups, exercise routines, and on and on and on it goes. So much to learn; so many things to consider.

As I have shared in other posts, some days it was and is very overwhelming and scary. Sometimes we laughed and many times we cried, but through it all, God began working in our little family, and helped us as we took our first steps into the unknown. So many questions rolled through our minds: would we make it? How would this affect my family? How quickly would it progress? Would I have the strength to face this? Would anybody understand our struggle and pain? Some days were easier than others, but every day we knew He was with us.

As I look back over the last two months, so many things have changed, and so many things stand out to me. Of all the lessons I have begun to learn, these five have been the most impactful:

1. Will I trust Him? In those days after diagnosis, this is one of the first questions that I asked over and over again. In the face of devastating news, and a very uncertain future, would I trust Him? After all I had already been through, could I trust Him in yet another struggle and hardship? I will be honest, sometimes the answer I gave was “No”, because all I could see was the pain and suffering. I was so tired of fighting my body, and some days I did not think I could go on. Yet even in these times of doubt, He loved me and showed Himself faithful. Even though somedays it is hard, yes, I can trust Him.

2. It is okay to grieve. In life there is sorrow, and some days are very hard, no matter who you are. Especially in the weeks following my news, there were many tears, and sometimes there still are. Brokenhearted is probably the best word to describe my feelings - for myself, for the burden this placed on my family, for yet more physical pain, and for just one more thing to deal with. I was grieving for my situation, my future, my family, and so many other things. Grieving is necessary. It does not mean I am not trusting God or that I am acknowledging defeat. It simply means that this is hard, and I am hurting, and that is okay. Grieving, very often is a necessary step in healing, accepting, and moving forward. Sometimes, tears are needed.

3. I need to cherish every moment. When I heard those words, one of the first questions that popped into my mind was “How long do I have?” The answer (as it was before my diagnosis) was “who knows”. My future was no less certain after those four little words, than it was before. But coming face to face with this illness made me realize how many times I was not intentional, and how often I failed to make the most of and cherish every moment. I am rediscovering how special and precious each moment is and how they will never come again. Living in each moment, and cherishing every memory is a must in life.

4. Sometimes, you just need to laugh. So many times over these past two months, I have just needed to laugh. The weight of this latest problem and all that came with it was overwhelming, and it was very easy to let sorrow take over. Yet in those moments I was reminded time and again, that “a merry heart is a good medicine…”, and that laughter and joy were needed on this walk, now more than ever. Sometimes, I just had to stop and laugh, even if I am just laughing at myself and my current state.

5. No matter what, I can choose hope. I have realized that I choose how I will look at life and my future. I can choose whether or not I will live in despair, or look with hope to the one who holds my future. Even though there are days when hope seems very dim, it is still there, and I can choose to look to that or focus on the problems before me. Hope depends on faith, and faith is simply a trust in what we cannot see. No matter how hard the struggle, our hope is in Him and Him alone.

A friend of mine on Facebook reminded me this week in one of her posts, "At any given moment you have the power to say: This is not how my story is going to end." Daily I choose how I will face this, and daily in my choices, I am writing my story. The story I choose will not just affect me, but others as well, and only I can choose whether I will face this head on with hope, or wither in defeat.

There are so many things God is continuing to show me. Some lessons are just refreshers, other are deep and hard, but through these lessons, I am learning to trust Him more deeply and to be at peace, even in this latest storm. I know that whatever comes my way, He is with me. There will be times of grief and times of laughter, and each of these moments I will cherish as special, for they will not come again. Can I trust Him? Yes, I can put my trust in Him, because in Him, I have hope.