Some Tears Are Needed

It’s a normal day, well, as normal as my days get. Someone comes up to me and simply asks how am I doing. I start talking, and for no reason I can pinpoint (or that I want to admit), my eyes well up with tears, and I begin to cry. Embarrassed and frustrated, I simply stop talking, and we stare at each other in silence, neither one sure what to say or do next.

This scene has played out over and over and over again over the last month, and really over the last year. I will simply be talking or doing something ordinary, and I will just be overcome with emotion – sadness, grief, fear. Emotions that at times simply overtake me.

Sadness at what I and my family are walking through, and for the effects and the pain that it causes. Grief over the things I have a lost, and sometimes the death of the future that I saw. Fear of the future and what it will look like. Many times when I started crying I would look at the person and say “I don’t know why I’m crying” and I would simply stop talking.

The reality is, I knew, as did everyone else, exactly why I was in tears. Even though I knew why I was in tears, in my heart I did not want to admit it. For if I admitted it, I would have to admit my weakness, my need, my pain, and my fears, and that would be embarrassing. As a man, and a Christian man at that, I shouldn’t be having these feelings. I just need to man up, or simply trust God.

Where did we get such ridiculous ideas that men can’t show emotion or that Christians just merrily skip through life on a cloud of denial pretending that nothing gets to us? Being a man, or being a Christian, does not mean we do not struggle with these things. We have feelings and struggles like everyone else, and we should never be ashamed of or embarrassed by the emotions we are feeling. Sometimes the bravest and most human thing we can do, is to show people what’s really going on inside. There is nothing wrong with weeping, and nothing wrong with feeling sorrow and grief.

We are not meant to walk through life with the façade that nothing is bothering us, oblivious to the pain and sorrow we are facing. One of my favorite verses of Scripture simply says, “…Weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15) There will be times when we weep. There will be times when we feel sorrow. To deny that is to deny who we are, and it puts a burden on us we were not meant to bear – that of keeping up appearances.

In life, tears are often the most needed thing. I love the Lord of the Rings movies, and Gandolf said it best:

  

Tears and sorrow are not evil, but often very needed. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves and those around us is simply to cry, let ourselves feel sorrow and grief, and let those around us simply weep with us. For out of this sorrow, this release, we can find strength to keep moving forward with the community surrounding us. We were not meant to walk through sorrow alone, and there is nothing wrong or embarrassing with showing tears, and letting others see where we really are.

Are my family and I okay – yes. Are we trusting God – absolutely. Are we experiencing laughter – of course (because I have a warped sense of humor). Are we grieving and mourning – yes. Are tears sometimes shed – definitely, and that is okay. Sometimes, we just can’t hold back the tears, and really, we should not even try.

If you ask me how I am doing, I might shed some tears. I will try to hold them back, but most of the time I will not be successful. When those times come, it is okay. Many times as we cry, we have ones around us who just simply weep with us, and in doing so, encourage us and give us strength to keep walking