Sometimes, God's Plan Stinks

So, let me see if I have this right, Lord, I need to have yet another struggle. My arthritis is not enough? The pain and death of my sister to cancer is not enough? My continuing health struggles and the burden it places on my family in every possible way is not sufficient? So “the plan” is to give me an even greater, life-altering disease – one with no cure, that will just get worse over time and make life even more difficult? This is the plan? Well, as far as I can see, this plan stinks!

I do not know how many of you have ever had a conversation like this with God, but I have a few times in my life, and this summer was one of those times. It was quite possibly one of the most honest conversations I ever had with God. It was not a conversation had in a disrespectful way, but a conversation born out of utter bewilderment. This plan seemed completely insane. As I said in a previous post, that “Life stinks bucket” was already overflowing. How could it be a good plan to lay one more struggle on me and my family?

I was really starting to believe that Murphy’s Law (Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.) must be real, and that my last name must actually have been Murphy. “How in the world, God, is giving me one more challenge, one more difficulty, a good plan? I looked around at things as I was processing this new news, and I thought, “This really stinks. God.”

I know that this is not the most Christian viewpoint, but in my heart, at that moment, that is what I was thinking – God, your plan stinks. This new health issue was causing more struggle and burden in EVERY area of life, and it made me weary. “There must be a mistake God. This can’t be right.” It all seemed so wrong.

If many of us were honest, at some point we have had some version of this conversation with God. In life, we want things to make sense. We want to know and understand the reasons things happen. We are looking for all of those little pieces to fit together perfectly to show the beautiful picture of our life. Often, that is not the case. It is like we have been given all these pieces of our life, and we are trying to put this puzzle together, without being able to see the picture on the box.

We cannot see how these pieces fit together. No matter how hard we try to fit them together, they won’t fit, it does not make sense, and it is frustrating. We try to pound and push them into place, but no matter how hard we try, we still can’t understand why this piece is part of our life, because it does not seem to make sense with everything else.

As I sat and had this conversation over and over with God (and some days I still do), I realized that I may never understand why I now have Parkinson’s, just like I still did not understand why I had arthritis, or why my sister passed away, or why my dad had cancer, or why over and over again more challenges were added.

Sometimes, I might catch a glimpse and see some good that came from these and other events, but I would still be left thinking “God, couldn’t you do this another way?” While this new challenge definitely stunk, not knowing and understanding stunk even more. Most likely I will never know (this side of heaven) why this was God’s plan, and from my human perspective, it stinks. But in this, I must remember, there is a different, eternal perspective, and He is in control.

So basically, I am once again left with the question “Can I trust Him?” When His plan, in my eyes makes ZERO sense, will I trust Him? The reality of life is that some things go wrong and seem unfair, and in those moments that do not make sense, will I have the faith to say, “God, this stinks. I don’t understand, but I will keep walking forward and trusting you.”

What things in your life “stink” right now? In spite of it, can you trust Him as you walk through it? When, in our eyes, God’s plan seems crazy, we must seek Him all the more and trust that no matter how insane the plan seems or feels, He is in control, and He is with us through every step.  We may not “know” understanding, but we can “know” Him, and if we know Him, we can trust that He understands and will help us take each step, one day at a time.