What's Your Problem?

She call over and asked if she could see me. As she entered my office, she asked if she could close the door. After the door was shut, she looked at me and simply asked, “What’s your problem? Are you Alright?” I stood there, not sure how to answer, because I was anything but alright.

It had been a very rough year physically. I was in extreme pain constantly. My arthritis had flared up again, I was having to use a cane many days, and my knees where the size of cantaloupes. Each day was a struggle, and I was a few months away from yet another hip replacement. With almost bi-weekly knee drainings, it was rough.

A dear friend and co-worker came to my office and said those exact words, “What is wrong with you? Are you oaky? You are walking around snapping at people and you seem so unhappy and upset. I see how you are reacting to others, and that is just not you. What is going on?”

At first when I heard this, I was upset and a little annoyed. “How dare she talk to me like this? What business is it of hers? I’m not snapping at people? Doesn’t she know the pain I am in every day?” Uncharacteristically for me, I held my tongue, and realized how concerned she really was for me. As I thought about what she said, I began to see that she was right.

In my pain and struggle, I was “bleeding out” on all of those around me. I was letting my frustration with my current circumstances affect how I treated and interacted with those around me. I was responding in frustration, but not because of something they had done, but because I was in pain, and I was tired.

The courage this took to confront me, is something I admire and am truly so thankful for, because, I was missing what I was doing. I did not see how my pain and exhaustion was affecting those around me by how I was responding to them.

This year, I have had to battle some of the same feelings, pain, and exhaustion, and this time it was my wife, who courageously looked at me one day, and just simply said, “Each day I brace myself, because I do not know who I am coming home to – is it the happy Ched who is ok with things that day, or is it the frustrated and angry Ched lashing out at everyone around him?”

And she was right, I was all over the place emotionally. Some might say it is understandable given all I am walking though, but the reality is, it is not. In my frustration with this disease, I found myself once again lashing out at those closest to me. I was hurt those around me because of the pain I was feeling. I was tired and hurting and so discouraged. Once again, I did not even see it. She was not mad, or upset, but she was worried because this was not me. This was not the person I normally was. She realize it was my pain and hurt coming out, and she wanted to help me.

Often, our pain colors so many things in our lives. It can spill out in ways we could never imagine. As I listened to my wife, I knew some things had to change. I realized that I could not let my current state of hurt be taken out on all of those around me. I realized I needed to deal with these feelings of anger and frustration.

Now this does not mean I am never down or upset, or that I now never hurt those around me, but it does mean, I have begun to work through these feelings with the help of others. I do not want to hurt those around me or respond to others out of my anger or pain.

As I talk with others, I realize that this is not exclusive to me. We all have this problem at times. In frustration, annoyance, anger, or pain, we respond to others in ways we normally never would, simply because we are struggling. We lash out, not intending to, but actually hurting others. We let our feelings and our current state dictate our actions.

While not perfect, this is something I am trying to be more conscience of in my dealings with others. As I rest in Him, and follow the Spirit, not only am I dealing with the pain, but hopefully, I am letting Him guide my heart and reactions. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that the tongue holds the power of death and life. By my reactions and interactions with others, I decide which I am going to give.

How has your struggle affected your dealings with others? Does someone need to ask you “What’s wrong with you?” As you look at your day, are you breathing life or death into others? As frustrating and painful as life can sometimes be, and as hard as our struggles get, we have the choice to respond out of our struggle with either hurt or life. This is a moment by moment choice. Which response will you choose?