God, I Just Do Not Get It

I stand there with someone close to me. We both hug each other through tears that will not stop. Once again, we have been dealt another blow. One more thing to place on the stack of sorrow and discouragement that has been at times, overwhelming over the past few years. As we both stand there, trying to get the tears to stop, we are plagued by the simple statement, “God, I just do not get it. I just do not understand.”

Maybe you have been in a place like this yourself. You are humming along through life, and things are going ok, and then “WHAM”, you are knocked flat. Out of nowhere you are hit with a problem or struggle. As you slowly get up, and you begin to come to terms with the new normal, you take a small step forward and “whoops” the carpet is pulled out from under you.

You lay there think “What just happened?” You once again try to get up and the same thing happens again, and again, and again. Your head is spinning and you are desperately holding on for dear life unsure if you can even make it. While I have dealt with some of this my entire life, these last 3 years have been exhausting. Just when we adjusted to one new situation, another would smack us out of nowhere.

Beginning in 2016, that was the story of my life. It started with Kidney Stones, moved on to a stress fracture in my foot, then another, and then another, all while battling my arthritis, and my undiagnosed Parkinson’s. But it did not stop there, I developed High Blood Pressure, a weakened heart function was detected, I had skin cancer, developed sleep apnea, all the while, still struggling with my main health issues.

When you add into that all the other stuff – family health issues, daily struggles, losses – I started to understand how Job must have felt in chapter one as messenger after messenger after messenger came to share awful news. But today, as I stood there, holding a loved one who was crying, I just kept thinking over and over again, “God, I just don’t get it” as I cried with her.

On this day, everything seemed so wrong. How could this be what is suppose to happen? I think we have all been there a time or two, and unfortunately, sometimes there just are not any answers. Sometimes we are just left saying, I don’t get it-this does not make sense, as once again we try to get up from being knocked down once again.

It is at these times, faith becomes so important. We were never promised an easy or painless life, and unfortunately, life is often full of pain, and at these times, we often do not feel like trusting. I will be honest, the last month has been very hard and I find myself mentally saying, “I trust you God” over and over again, even when my heart does not feel it. Sometimes faith is choosing to believe, even when your heart is not there. Honestly, many days I am there. I have trusted Him and followed Him for most of my life, and even though so many things have seemed so wrong this year, I choose to keep trusting.

This does not make it hurt any less. It does not mean I do not have doubts. It does mean, that even in the hard times, I will choose to trust Him, especially when it does not make sense. Many days this is hard to do, and some days I fail at this, but even in those times, He is with me, and that is an encouraging thought. What are you walking through right now that does not make sense? I encourage you today, simply begin by stating that you trust Him. Each time I have done this, I eventually find peace, and in my heart and emotions, I can trust Him once again.