In reality, my life was now no more unpredictable than it
was a few moments before, but it sure felt that way. So many questions raced
through my mind, but the main question I had was, how will I provide for my
family” What happens if I can only work for a few more years? How will we
survive?
As we started looking for resources, we came upon one thing
after another that we needed to do or decide, and none of them were enjoyable.
I was only 44 for crying out loud, this is the last thing I should be thinking
about at this age – or at least that is what I thought.
Our first stop was a visit with an Elder Care Lawyer (yes,
that is as fun as it sounds). As we sat in his office we talked about our
future and how to plan. What if I stop working in 5 years? What if I need to
go onto disability? What about Medicaid? What if I become bedridden and need
round the clock care? (I know – what exciting discussions for a young man and
his wife to be having – NOT!)
But it did not stop there. Next, we had to begin to consider,
beyond Power of Attorney, what things now needed to be in my wife’s name, and
how soon did she need to take these things over. As a man, it was emasculating.
Slowly, piece by piece, I was having to give up everything I had worked so hard
for. Don’t get me wrong, I knew these steps needed to be taken and that these
things needed to be done, but it was no fun. I was so glad I could do this to
provide for my family, but it was still hard.
As I sat by my wife, and began to sign things over to her
control, while difficult, it was good. This is the rollercoaster that chronic disease
often puts you on. I love my family, and as hard as this was, there was nothing
more loving that I could do for them. And because of that love, I was glad to
do it. It still hurt, but it also gave a feeling of joy that I could give these
gifts to those I loved.
In spite of this turmoil of emotions, I stood back and realized
that regardless of our plans, our trust still must be focused squarely on Him.
My life was just as uncertain today as it was yesterday, and these plans, while
wise, could not protect us for everything that was coming. Alongside this
planning, our focus and trust needed to be Him. As uncertain as this disease
is, and as hard as these decisions are, He is constant, He has a plan, and He
will care for us in every way, and that is an encouraging thought.
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