Mine's Parkinson's, What's Yours

That’s no big deal? I can’t believe you are upset about that? Is that really important? Think about all the other struggles you could have, at least it is not ________. You think your life is bad, be thankful you are not having to deal with _______ like me. You want to trade places. On and on the comments go, and in those few little words, we dismiss and belittle the suffering of others. The reality is, all suffering, all loss has an impact, and that impact should not be dismissed. Mine’s Parkinson’s, what’s yours?

This has been an unusual and unprecedented few weeks. Things have happened that I would never have imagined in my wildest dreams as the coronavirus has taken hold. Responses have varied from jokes, to outright panic as stores have been looted of the most basic items – who knew toilet paper would be in such high demand. It is an event, that for many, has rocked their world and shaken their security.

This is how much of the last year was for my family. As everything we thought we knew, everything we had security in, was stripped away. The uncertainty, discouragement, sadness, and helplessness we felt was like nothing we had experienced before, and is something many are feel now as they watch so many things they felt secure in, fail.

Yet instead of empathy and compassion, so many have been met with dismissal. I have heard so many versions of the comments listed above. As people have shared about the pain and sorrow they are feeling, it is compared to harder things, and simply dismissed. Over this last year, I have had similar comments thrown my way, “Well, it could be worse, at least it is not ________. At least you can still ________.” In a few short words, others have said, not intentionally, “it’s not really that bad, suck it up.”

Now, I know that is never anyone’s intention, but that simple dismissal speaks volumes and says to another that what you are feeling or experiencing is not important. That your pain or loss is not significant and you should just “get over it”. In reality, though, your pain and suffering and loss is important, and its impact on you should never be dismissed. It is significant, and should never be compared to what another is walking through.

It is easy for each of us to get into our own bubble and think our brand of suffering is unique or more significant than others, but in reality, there is no magic scale to rate trials, and no list that ranks one as more significant than others. Suffering and loss should bring about compassion and not comparison (something I wish I could say I have never done).

As we walk through struggles we have two choices – curl up in a ball and give up in anger and bitterness, or face it and walk through it (feeling the loss and sadness), allowing it to make us stronger and more compassionate to those around us.

We all have unique struggles, and experience loss in different ways. All we have to do is decide how to use it. Will our pain and loss define us, or will we define it? Regardless of what we are facing, we should never let it be dismissed, and we should never allow it to win by causing us to give up or by allowing others to label it as unimportant. And we should never do this to another.

What losses are you feeling today? What hurt and pain are you walking through? What sorrow are you battling? They are important, and how you are feeling is okay. Your loss and sorrow may be strong, but you are stronger. We all experience these things, and how we respond define us. Mine’s Parkinson’s, what’s yours?