The Handicap Placard

Sitting in the doctor’s office, having just heard the news, still stunned, I look over at my wife, she gives me an encouraging smile, and says to the doctor and I, “Now I know this is going to make you upset honey…”, and right there, I knew where this was going.

In marriage, it is not unusual to have some of the same discussions over and over again, especially if in these discussions there is some disagreement. Over the years, due to my arthritis and then Parkinson’s, I had struggled physically getting around. Sometimes walking was very painful and difficult, but I was not going to let it stop me. I was going to push through and show myself and everyone around me that this was not going to keep me down. I did not need help (I often very arrogantly thought).

Every time my struggles became more challenging, the subject would be brought up to me and my doctors. “Ched, maybe it is time to get a handicap placard for the times when you are struggling and need it.” When this was said, my blood pressure and anger would rise, and I would adamantly shut down the conversation before it began by simply declaring “I don’t need that, end of discussion.”

The reality though, was that I did need it, but instead of accepting help, my pride stood in the way. In this and many other situations, I refused to ask for and even accept help, at times fighting strongly against it. I was determined to “Do it myself” (as my daughter at the age of 2 often told us). One thing this last year had begun to show me, was that many times, I could not do it myself. No matter how hard I pushed or how deep my desire was, I simply, physically could not do it.

Frustration and anger would soon follow, and sometimes, I would try to do it, even when I knew I should not or could not. During this year many people have fussed at me for this (and honestly sometimes still do because I am hardheaded). In this, God has begun to deal with this pride, and helped me realize it is okay to receive help, and even ask for it. It does not make me less of a person, it does not mean I am weak, it does not mean I’m needy or a burden, it simply means I need help, as we all do sometimes.

Why do we find it so hard to admit this and ask for help? I don’t know, but many times for me it is pride. It is a stubborn determination to show the world no weakness or need, and simply “do it myself”.

So here came the question; the question I had been so adamantly fighting against for years. My wife looked at the doctor and said, “I know this is going to make you mad honey, but should we get him a handicap tag for his bad days.” She was braced for an argument, but none came. I simply looked at her and said, “It’s okay honey, I’m not going to fight you about this anymore. Maybe it is time and maybe I do need this help.”

Honestly, it was kind of funny to see the small look of surprise on her face. Maybe I was finally learning the lesson God had for so long been trying to teach me. You cannot always do it by yourself, and sometimes we all need help. Also, it was very freeing, because I did not have to keep bearing the burden by myself that I was never meant to bear.  I cannot say that I am perfectly living this out, after all, I am a stubborn man, but God is showing me this need in my life and I am finally learning it is okay.

I need help sometimes, and I need to accept the loving, caring gestures given to me by those around me. My dad told me long ago, and I am finally beginning to understand what he meant when he said, “Never deny someone the opportunity to serve you. When you do, you rob them of the opportunity and blessing of serving God through serving you.”

I’ve also realized, those around me are dealing with the pain and sorrow of watching me struggle. Through caring for me and my family, they are able to work through their feelings and show the love of Christ to one who is struggling. We all need help, and sometimes we need to swallow our pride and accept the love shown to us. In reality though, this is a lot easier said than done (especially for us pigheaded men).