"It" Wins By Making Us Feel Alone

 

I stood beside him on the hill, watching streams of people go by. He looked at me and simply said, “I have never felt more at home. It is as if all of those rejected or left out by society have come together.” In that one small statement, I saw his pain, as he expressed a truth so many battling chronic illness feel.

If you have watched recent events, you have seen the marches and the protests highlighting the need for equality and equity. Some have been peaceful and productive, others have not. This day was a peaceful day. He walked beside me in the march. A peaceful march that simply asked others to see another group’s plight. It was honestly somewhere I never thought I would be. 

Some former students had asked me to join them at a rally, organized by 5 teenage girls, to simply say that some things needed to change, and to show others that they were not alone in their struggle. As we stood together, watching, he said the simple statement above, and it broke my heart. Why did he feel this way? How did we get to the point where vast numbers of people felt this way?

 

There is nothing more challenging in life than feeling that you are alone, isolated, and an outcast from society – that you will be treated differently based on how you look or who you are. We all have a longing to belong. Each person has a desire to be seen and counted special and treated respectfully, yet many times this does not happen. Sometimes it is overt, sometimes it is unintentional, but unfortunately, it happens, and this group was simply showing others that this is not okay, this needs to change, and that they were not alone.

 

While I will never understand what others battle, or the daily struggle they face, I do understand feeling alone, isolated, and not special. One of the most frustrating things about this illness is the absolute loneliness that comes from fighting a battle that no one else gets. Very few in my age bracket, or really any age bracket, battle this disease. Because of this, it can feel very isolating. There are so many times when I have felt utterly alone because my struggle is so much different than others.

This isolation can at times be a greater struggle than the disease itself. 

 

I remember in college, sometimes I would meet someone while I was sitting. We would have a great conversation, and things would be going great, and then I would stand up (picking up my cane which they had not seen) and start walking. In that moment, you could visibly see the “shadow” or “look” cross their face as they realized I was different.

 

This has continued as I have gotten older and battled more things, and the isolation and hurt this brings can be hard. I know my struggle is different from those I was marching with, but many times, we make the struggles of others harder to bear, because we simply do not understand, or try to understand their struggle. We either speak a few platitudes, distance ourselves from them, or dismiss the struggle because it is not our experience, and once again, they are left feeling alone.

 

Sometimes, we hurt them with our words or actions (sometimes intentional, sometimes not), further isolating and hurting them. As I stood talking with this special young man, for the first time, I saw and understood something I had not before. So many people feel rejected, isolated, and alone. They feel like outcasts because of their life circumstances.

 

In this small demonstration, one message was clear – you are not alone. This group – from every background and demographic simply said you are seen, you are heard, you are important, you should be treated with respect, and you are not alone.

 

I will never understand the battle some face feeling mistreated or outcaste from society, or the pain and struggle this brings. I do understand the feelings I battle facing this disease every day, and if that is only a fraction of their struggle, then I can begin to understand these marches and their feelings.

 

The greatest gift we can give others is understanding, connection, community, support, and respect. We need to see their struggle, acknowledge it, and help them as they walk their path. We need to give them community and support to strengthen them in their fight. Chronic Illness, like other struggles, is isolating. Find those in your circle who are struggling or different, and see how you can help them, encourage them, support them, and walk with them on their journey. It may mean more to them than you ever know, and it will change who you are in the process.

 

We all have an “IT” that we battle in our lives. That "IT" wins if we let it make us believe that we are alone. See other’s struggles, feel their hurts, and help them in their battle to overcome – that is one of the most important things each of us can do and the greatest gift we can give another.

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