We Must Seek To Understand Another's Experience

I sat across from him, just staring in disbelief. Had he really just said that? “Your struggle is just physical, it’s not emotional.” The words played over and over in my head, and I just bit my tongue, because no response at that point would be a good one.

 

This journey that I have been on this past year has taken many unexpected turns, some have been good, and others have been a struggle. There have been many surprises, and some difficulties I never thought I would have.

 

Some of those struggles have taken the form of other people’s understanding and perceptions. Sadly, the conversation I mentioned above, really did happen. “Your struggle is just physical, it’s not emotional.” I have played that line over and over in my head so many times. I remember just being stunned by the statement. Maybe I should have said something, I don’t know, but either way, it shook me to say the least.

 

I left that conversation furious. I was so mad I was shaking (yes, I see the irony). How could someone be so dismissive? That evening as I walked the neighborhood, I was in full rant mode to a friend on the phone, as I let my anger and frustration out. He simply listened which is what I needed most.

 

How in the world could this person make such a statement? How could my emotional struggle not be seen? How could someone think that there was not an emotional component to my struggle? (all questions I posed to my friend during my rant). Where was the understanding – and that is when it hit me, there really was no understanding.

 

This person had no idea of the struggle I was facing and all that was involved. This person had no understanding of what I was going through, of my experience, and that lack of understanding colored their perception. As this realization dawned on me, I prayed to God that they never did understand what this truly was like, for that would mean they were fighting this battle.

 

Understanding can be hard. If I am not walking through something or have not had that experience, I can still be sympathetic, I can show love, care, and concern, I can help, but I cannot truly know the struggle. Does that mean we should not try – absolutely not! I don’t have to be shot to understand that it hurts, but until I am (which given all my smart comments is a distinct possibility), I will never really know the feeling.

 

As I have watched events unfold these past few days, I have really seen what a problem this is for many people, and for our country. So much of the last week has been because of actions taken based in not understanding, not seeing the struggle and experience others have had. I will never understand the feelings that many of my friends feel, or be treated the way they are treated, or experience the things they experience, all because of the color of their skin.

 

I will never understand the fight they must face each day and the challenges that many must overcome because I have not come out of that background or past. But just because I do not have that experience, does that mean I should not seek to understand – absolutely not! Does that mean I should not find ways to help and impact this issue – No!

 

Unfortunately, we often live in a bubble of our own making and experience, and if that experience or reality is not in “our bubble”, we easily dismiss it as not being real. We explain it away, down play it, or simply state that it does not exist because we have never experienced it, and in one fail swoop, we diminish another.

 

So many times, we fight so hard to be understood, without ever stopping to understand. Imagine how our thoughts and actions would change, if we truly sought to understand another’s struggle? What if instead of diminishing another’s experience, we believed it and acted out of that belief? What if we looked for ways, not only to understand, but also to help others? What if before we sought to make our point of view understood, we simply tried to understand another’s perspective?

 

Imagine how different this world would be! Imagine how different our experience would be! Imagine how much would change! I may not fully understand another’s perspective, struggle, or experience, but that should not stop me from not only seeking to understand, but also working to impact others and helping them in their struggle.

 

Sadly, this is not something I really “got” before my struggle with Parkinson’s. It is one of a hundred lessons I have learned this year (although, I wish I could have learned them another way). Much of my younger life was spent seeking to be understood, sharing my thoughts and perspectives, without stopping to understand another’s experience.

 

Seek first to understand, and worry less about being understood. If we all did this, and respected one another and their experience, what a difference it would make. It is time we put this attitude into practice, and let it impact how we react and act towards those around us, for each of us is facing a struggle, experience, and a past that requires this care and understanding. I must not diminish other’s struggle or experience, just as I would not want another to diminish mine.

 

We must see, hear, and seek to understand other’s experiences – only when we do, will change come.