In Sickness And In Health

I promise to love you and comfort you,

To honor and keep you,

For better or worse,

For richer or poorer,

In sickness and in health,

So long as we both shall live…

If you have ever been to a wedding ceremony, you have heard some version of these vows. Vows that two make for a lifetime. No matter what occurs, not matter how good or bad it is, a commitment is made to be there for each other. It is a blind commitment, made with no knowledge of the future. It is a promise to always be there for one another, and support each other in the best of times and the worst of times.

Recently, I had the opportunity to attend the wedding of a young lady who use to be one of my students. Her father was also one of my teachers (one of my favorite and most influential teachers), and we have known and been part of their family for years. I sat there watching the beautiful young couple take their first steps into a future that would be their life together as husband and wife.

I sat there with my arm around my bride (partly because it was so cold), and listened as they recited these vows affirming their life-long commitment, I was taken back to a day very similar, 22 years ago. It was a cold, wintery day, but a day full of love and warmth as my wife and I stood together and shared some of these same words as we committed to a life with each other.

As a young couple, we had no idea the path our life would take, and what the future held in store for us. There have been so many good and wonderful days – the births of our children, wonderful trips, loving, quiet evenings – and so many more. But, there have also been some sad and difficult days – health issues, death, family struggles – days that have tested us in ways we could never have imagined.

This year, has held many of the latter days. Days that were unbelievably hard. Days when we were not sure what to do. When I received word that I had Parkinson’s Disease, in many ways, our world stopped. We had no idea what to do next, or even what our future would look like. In sickness…that is what we had said, but this was the latest in a long string of “sicknesses”. What about the health part – when did we get that part?

In the months that followed, I would sit there looking at my wife, feeling sorry for what she had gotten herself into. I felt like she had received a raw deal, and many times I wondered it she regretted her choice, and if she would do the same thing all over again knowing what she knew now. Yes, she knew I had health issues, but this was a game changer. It was something that would consume our lives, and slowly over time, take the man she loved. I hurt for her, because it just was not fair. She did not deserve to bear this burden. This was not what she had signed up for.

As I sat there, listening to this young couple make this promise to each other, I was gently reminded that my perspective was off. You see, this is exactly what she had signed up for. We had given each other a blank check and promised that no matter what we walked through, we would be there for each other. No, the hand we were dealt was not fair, and yes, it would be hard. There would be days when we wanted to give up, and days that were painful.

As I watched this young couple, starting out on this journey. I looked over at my wife and was thankful that not only had she made this promise, but in the face of awful news, she had decided to stick with me, in sickness. Our marriage has been overshadowed by sickness for most of the 22 years we have been together, and yet, our commitment is strong.

We are early on this journey, but we have weathered so much already in these last two decades. Do I know what the future holds – no. I have no idea what will happen or how bad things will get. One thing I do know – I know the person who gave me that blank check. I know the love and care for me she has shown already. I know what she has already walked through with me. I know the love and commitment she has for me.

This will not be an easy path. It is not fair that she has to walk this with me. There will be days when we frustrate and anger each other. Days when we cry and want to give up. But there will also be days of joy and love, and days that are good. In each of those days, we will have a choice whether or not to fulfill this commitment. As I watched this young couple, I was reminded of the promise we made to each other, the promise she made to me, and I was overwhelmed with thankfulness, and I was grateful that this young couple had reminded me of something I so desperately needed to be reminded of.

Even though I struggle knowing that she will have to deal with more sickness than health, more worse and less better, I know her heart, and I know our love, and I know that she is here for me, and I know that she does not regret her choice (except maybe on those days when I am being a pain in the butt). In sickness and in worse, we have been there for each other, because of our love, and that would help us weather this latest storm. Happy Anniversary my love – thank you for 22 year. Here’s to hoping for 22 more.